I get this way sometimes, tetchy and weird and feeling like everything's about to change.
Don't feel like sleeping or eating and can't make myself focus on anything creative. Actually, no. It's not that I can't focus, it's that I'm afraid of what I'll make if I do. I can hyperfocus when I'm like this...I mean really, really hyperfocus. Problem is, I can't just sit down and tune out the world for a couple of days. I've got a life. House to keep up, lunches to make, meals to fix, people I'm responsible for.
Can't just drop off the face of the earth anymore.
Sometimes I do it anyway, hyperfocus on some project for a week or so, and then I feel guilty about pushing everyone away. Did it last year around this time. Gods, but it's hard to believe a year's gone by...and on the other hand, it feels like it's been forever since the NW concert. 2016 feels like a long way off, but then I think about my project and suddenly it doesn't feel like nearly long enough.
Mostly right now I'm feeling stuck. Trapped, like I want to go out and do something crazy and I know I can't. I'm happy with my life but at the same time, I feel like I'm just biding time until something happens. a nightingale in a golden cage/ that's me locked inside reality's maze...or in my case, a mockingbird. But sometimes I have so many snippets of songs and stories and feelings running rampant that even this mockingbird can't sort it into a tune that makes sense.
Or I could, but don't dare. Cause I'd have to block out everything else to do it.
I may pull out the Tarot cards tonight, just to see if I can't suss anything out of this mood. Not something I do too often...mostly because I don't have many friends who are comfortable with that sort of thing. I'm of the opinion that the cards can't tell you anything you don't already know, somewhere in your mind...can't read the future, sorry. But they CAN reveal things you don't realize you know, can untangle your own feelings.
Still can't shake the feeling that something's coming, but I'm only right about stuff like that less than half the time. Usually it's just me feeling overwhelmed.
Guess we'll see.
Listening to: Wonderfields~ Imaginaerum